Those Moments You NEVER Forget.

Ryan was kind enough to send me some pictures tonight that he still had on his phone, which makes me so happy after that fight we had a while back...He and I have this BAD habbit of um...well...Erasing the other from the picture when we fight. The first time he and I ever fought I took all the pictures I had of us together or of just him...And I went out back, and I dug a little hole, and I put the pictures in the little hole, and then...I lit them on fire. After that I went back inside and threw his birthday gift (Smelly good stuff) at the wall.

We have a very passionate relationship you see, when we love it's with a fire that burns the night sky, and when we fight we hate with a force that could make the Gods fall from the Heavens.

I love that boy so much though.


Anywho, he sent me pictures cause, being my sweet love that he is, he knew I needed a good cheering up. It made me smile. A while back, we had this BBQ, and it was just him, Aaron and I because...No one else matters? LoL. It was the BEST though. We watched Dirty Love and laughed and we made stake and OMFG, I made brownies but Ryan was all "I want them now" and I was all "They aren't done!" and he was all "You didn't even set the timer, I bet they're done." and I wad all "Whatever" so I went and got them out and SURE ENOUGH they weren't done and the middle was SUPER gooey but...They were still sooooo good.

Then there was this other time where the three of us were at Taco Hell...Cause again no one matters....And we were just being FREAKS, and started taking pictures, and having fun, and I miss my boys so much it makes my heart ache.




So, we've got me making the Yummy brownies! Haha, then he was licking the "pan" which wasn't really a pan it was this rubber thing with cups for like...cupcakes I guess and that's what we cooked it in...It was awesome lol. Then, you know you're cool when you can act emo in Taco Hell.

Then, he and I got all lovely dovey, cause it's what we do and went all "I'm gonna sing to you!...through text!"ness on each other lol...The songs? Only some of the best ever.

The Way I am. It's so our song.

Come on, this is Ryan and I all the way! Get a little drink in us and you'll see us lock lips. "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it" COME ON! Like Aaron cares lol.

THEN!! Oh yes, tonight was just full of fun! THEN Heidi and I decided it was time to start getting ready for the babies we'll be having with Ryan and Aaron lol. It was awesome, we've got names and everything.


x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:02:32 AM): heck yes, just picture it, the four of us with the most kick ass kids ever
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:03:25 AM): Heck yes!!! and the Scrub nurseries!!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:03:36 AM): YES!!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:05:23 AM): One boy, and one girl, and they'll grow up like turk and JD, well...ok so the sex doesn't matter cause they'll grow up like JD and Turk no matter what but they'll be smart, and funny, and they'll be singers and music lovers and actors, and dancers, and doctors, and anything they damn well please, you can teach them to play piano, and i'll teach them bass, and everyone will want them to be theirs
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:06:11 AM): YES!!!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:06:20 AM): but they'll be ours, and rockers and lovers, and peace bringers and party planners and they'll change the world in ways we never could, but always dreamed of and they'll love like it's all they have, and love who ever they want without fear and..and...and it will RULE!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:07:06 AM): OMG OMG OMG!!!!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:08:10 AM): we'll teach them to be themselves, to never change who they are for someone else, to live life because they want to, not because someone told them to, they'll find the beauty in all the little simple things and laugh at anyone who tried to bring them down, because they'll know that in the end the only person who can bring them down is themselves, and they'll never know what it feels like to have a
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:08:40 AM): parent who doubts them, or beat them, or lie to them, or hide things from them, they'll always know love, and trust and hope
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:08:47 AM): yea...yeah lets so do this lol
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:09:07 AM): Dude, I'm totally up for it..
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:09:12 AM): heck yes!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:09:36 AM): now we need names, i know the ones i like lol, Jude. I have to have a Jude.
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:10:15 AM): lol I wanted Maximus. Max for short... HAHA!!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:10:53 AM): That works, Jude and Max, both names have strong history behind them, and meaning, and they aren't common
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:11:10 AM): But I've always wanted a sophisticated girl's name... Like Elizabeth, althought it's kinda common. And I've always like Jadis.
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:11:43 AM): I like both those, Elizabeth or Isabella, and I really like Jadis
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:12:32 AM): October Sky
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:12:42 AM): for a name? or the movie?
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:12:42 AM): call her Toby for short.
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:12:50 AM): the na,e
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:12:52 AM): Omfg, that'd be awesome
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:13:01 AM): name* I forgot about the movie... lol
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:13:20 AM): yeah but the movie is awesome lol, and that would be a kick ass name
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:13:32 AM): The movie is great!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:13:53 AM): Amelia
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:13:53 AM): so awesome, and it's not like people can make fun of her for having that name because the movie ROCKS
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:14:02 AM): ohhh yeah Amelia
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:14:05 AM): Dude, I agree!!!! lol
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:14:11 AM): Ehprim, i LOVE that name
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:14:28 AM): I have NEVER met someone by that name... so good!!!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:15:26 AM): oh oh or aiden, i duno why but i like that name alot
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:15:39 AM): I LOVE AIDEN!!!!!!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:15:44 AM): The BAND and the NAME!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:15:55 AM): YES!!! It's a double wammy!!!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:16:02 AM): HECK YES
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:16:18 AM): I love Aurora. Because it's sleeping beauty
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:17:06 AM): Oh heck yes, that's why I love Isabella, cause Bella, Bell...Beauty...Yeah lol. We should so do Princess movie names, like name her Aurora Isabella
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:17:24 AM): OH MY Gosh...
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:17:30 AM): That's perfect...
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:17:36 AM): It fits so well!!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:18:10 AM): it does, surprisingly
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:18:19 AM): it's a sign.
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:18:31 AM): Agreed..
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:18:48 AM): this is fun lol
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:20:41 AM): lol it is.
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:21:07 AM): I like Harlow
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:21:11 AM): I know it's Richie's and Madden's daughter's name... But I really like it!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:21:29 AM): Omg, I love that name too, I was so pissed when they named her that cause I wanted to use it lol
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:21:55 AM): I KNOW
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:22:11 AM): damn them, cause you know now EVERYONE will be using that name
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:22:35 AM): Matthew Mconehey's (SP) bro named one of his kids Miller Lyte..
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:22:51 AM): Omfg haha no way!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:22:57 AM): WAY!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:23:01 AM): What about Atlantis?
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:23:08 AM): how fucked up is that, but so funny lol
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:23:12 AM): ohhh that'd be a good one
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:23:41 AM): Ayla?
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:23:55 AM): ohh yeah thats a good one too
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:24:08 AM): yeah.
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:24:38 AM): I like Ryen for a girl. lol
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:24:55 AM): She could be like a Jr lol.
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:25:06 AM): lol exactly
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:25:44 AM): I really want an Irish name, i've been looking them up, and the meanings cause I really feel a child's name should have meaning behind it
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:26:18 AM): You know, I looked up a bunch of Irish names when I was writing this story about fairies and Leprechauns.
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:26:34 AM): anything good?
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:26:45 AM): Don't remember. lol It was like freshman year.
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:27:16 AM): omfg, did you know aiden is irish? and it's little firey one, tell me that wouldn't be perfect for any boy we ever had, they'd be the most hyper, awesome, demon type child ever
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:27:35 AM): I think I knew that... But YES YES YES!!!!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:27:37 AM): PErfect.
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:28:04 AM): lol, how freaken awesome
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:28:13 AM):
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:28:35 AM): I know this is really geeky of me, but Bellatrix.
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:29:24 AM): heck no that isn't geeky, that's perfect! cause it's got bell in it too....lol i got a thing for bell sorry, plus, how many damn kids have that name? and it'd fit the child well i'm sure
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:29:59 AM): lol True. But Bellatrix... Ah. I love the sound of it...
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:30:10 AM): cause it's an awesome name!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:30:29 AM): No joke
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:30:47 AM): that one has to go on the list
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:31:16 AM): it's already there.
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:31:36 AM): My dear, i'm afraid I have to retire for the night. i have to get up in 3 hours.
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:31:54 AM): *sigh* fine fine, just leave me, yet again!
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:32:14 AM): Oh hush, I'll talk to you tomorrow!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:32:32 AM): yeah yeah, FINE!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:32:37 AM): *sigh*
Beautifully Tragic (6/24/2008 2:32:56 AM): You WILL live. lol Goodnight!!!!!
x_xtisheryx_x (6/24/2008 2:33:06 AM): lol night

See....This is what happens you have lack of sleep and kick ass friends like mine. We have the best times dude. I tell you what.

Just Some Fun.

You Are Belle!

Intelligent and kind. Your beauty goes much further than your apperance. Also, you make judgements of people based on their personality and not their looks. Attaining all the knowledge that you can is one of your major goals in life, but you are also a person who can make things happen.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

A-Attached or Single?-Single.
B-Best Friend- You mean Friends? Jade-O, Kyenne, Tori-O, Aaron and Ryan.
C-Cake or Pie?- I like Cake.
D-Day of choice?- Twilight Tuesday!!
E-Essential item?- My cell phone...I think I woulda killed someone by now if I didn't have that to talk to people.
F-Favorite color?- Purple my homie.
G-Gummy bears or worms? Sour worms dude.
H-Hometown?- Born in Phx, but Payson will always be my home.
I-Favorite Indulgence? Reading.
J-January or July?- January alllllllllllll the way.
K-Kids?- None of my own.
L-Life isn't complete without?- My homies.
M-Marriage Date?-I'll let you know when that happens!!
N-Number of Bro & Sis?- 3 Brothers, 1 sister. That's of blood (cept Chris...But he's apart of out family now) Then there are all the other people I consider my siblings.
O-Oranges or Apples?- Green Apples,
P-Phobias and Fears?- Sharks...You have no idea.
Q-Quote?- Mostly from Twilight.
R-Reason to smile?- I don't have too many lately.
S-Season of choice?- Fall.
T-Tag Ten People?- Say what?
U-Unknown fact about me?- If it's an unknown fact...It's something I don't want people to know...I'm mostly an open book.
V-Vegetable?- Umm...Salad?
W-Worse habit?- Procrastination
X-X-Ray?-About three years ago on my foot.
Y-Your favorite food?- Orange Chicken, I can LIVE off of that stuff...As long as it's from Panda.
Z-Zodiac sign?- Sag

Time to Move On.

I know a lot of people like to believe that I've long since moved on from what happened. The truth is, I haven't. I haven't wanted to, I tried, but a part of me just wasn't ready to let go.

The other day though, while going through some old photos, and watching some videos...It dawned on me that what I was holding onto was something that was long gone. I was looking at the "happy" me in the pictures, with the "happy" him and thinking how things could never get better than that, because he was it for me...But it dawned on me, hit me like a ton of bricks if you will, how stupid that way of thinking is.

If things couldn't get better, if we were meant to be, no matter what was thrown our way we would have made it. We didn't though, and it doesn't matter who was at fault anymore, it doesn't matter because it's done with. It doesn't matter because the love that was there, though not dead, wasn't enough for what we needed. We both put up a damn good fight, and I think it's because we both truely do love one another but...I also think we're too broken to know how to fix the other. We don't trust people easily, and we had both broken the other's trust at one time, which only makes the struggles of living for someone harder.


I will always love him though, that is something I can not deny. I know now though, that just because you love someone, just because you want to do everything in your power to be better for them, and make them happy, doesn't mean you can.

I finally took down our picture album from myspace, and the little things that remind me of him are packed in a box now, not because I don't want to be reminded of him, or of us, or of that time in my life but because I want to keep them safe while I take the next step to where ever it is that life is taking me. I know so many thought that I was already moving on, and maybe that's because it's what I wanted them to think but like I said apart of me was still holding on, and maybe apart of me will never let go, the point is that life is now about the future, maybe he'll be apart of that some how, maybe he won't but I do know that it's mine to mold and be and do what I want. For me.