Time to Move On.

I know a lot of people like to believe that I've long since moved on from what happened. The truth is, I haven't. I haven't wanted to, I tried, but a part of me just wasn't ready to let go.

The other day though, while going through some old photos, and watching some videos...It dawned on me that what I was holding onto was something that was long gone. I was looking at the "happy" me in the pictures, with the "happy" him and thinking how things could never get better than that, because he was it for me...But it dawned on me, hit me like a ton of bricks if you will, how stupid that way of thinking is.

If things couldn't get better, if we were meant to be, no matter what was thrown our way we would have made it. We didn't though, and it doesn't matter who was at fault anymore, it doesn't matter because it's done with. It doesn't matter because the love that was there, though not dead, wasn't enough for what we needed. We both put up a damn good fight, and I think it's because we both truely do love one another but...I also think we're too broken to know how to fix the other. We don't trust people easily, and we had both broken the other's trust at one time, which only makes the struggles of living for someone harder.


I will always love him though, that is something I can not deny. I know now though, that just because you love someone, just because you want to do everything in your power to be better for them, and make them happy, doesn't mean you can.

I finally took down our picture album from myspace, and the little things that remind me of him are packed in a box now, not because I don't want to be reminded of him, or of us, or of that time in my life but because I want to keep them safe while I take the next step to where ever it is that life is taking me. I know so many thought that I was already moving on, and maybe that's because it's what I wanted them to think but like I said apart of me was still holding on, and maybe apart of me will never let go, the point is that life is now about the future, maybe he'll be apart of that some how, maybe he won't but I do know that it's mine to mold and be and do what I want. For me.